Been noticing how weird some of my friends are...

I was at lunch today at Milestone's with my long-time friend Paul. Everything was going normal, I was enjoying my Eggs Benedict and we were basically talking about how glad we are the rain is washing away all the snow..

All of a sudden, Paul puts his fork down, wipes what appeared to be Mayo from the corner of his mouth, and it went something like this:

Paul: I was helping Jeff the other day in his garage. When he bent down to pick something up, I felt like grabbing the hammer on the counter and smashing it over his head. Do you ever get thoughts like this?

Me: umm.. (looking for the nearest exit and flashes of Jack Torrance in my head... all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy)....

Paul: Like yesterday at work, my co-worker was telling me about his new Ford truck, and I got an overwhelming urge to throw my book at him really hard in the head just to see what he'd do. Hey, don't tell Jeff what I said about the hammer, Okay?

Me: Umm, why would your co-worker buy a Ford?
Actually, I didn't question the Ford, I said: do you really think I would tell Jeff what you said? You want to smash a hammer into Jeff's skull for absolutely no reason. I can only imagine what you would do if you found out I betrayed you. By the way, I am moving to Guam tomorrow. (actually, I didn't say the part about Guam either)


Yesterday I was eating out at a new restaurant. I was enjoying a very savoury soup but then I found a pig's foot in my soup.

$39 for 30 Minutes

I HAD to have a massage today. My neck and scalenes were so stiff I could barely shoulder check. So I’m at work going through the yellow pages calling all the massage therapists between my workplace and home, but no one’s answering the phone. Due to the lack of responses I widen my criteria and call the ones in a 10 mile radius from my house, and the ones that actually answer the phone tell me they’re completely booked till the new year.

I finally find a place that tells me they’ll see me if I get down there by 5:45 for a 45 minute massage, but that I need to get there five minutes early to fill out some forms. At this point it’s 4:43 and I know traffic's gonna be crazy. But I ask the receptionist, if I get there at 5:30, can I have an hour long massage? Her answer is YES. The address is in the Marpole area.. Like I thought traffic is nuts, and at 5:27 I’m stuck on Granville street, slowly inching forward, not even halfway there. So I take a turn into a side street and try going that route. A few people follow me, but I have no idea what the heck I’m doing. I’m driving like a madwoman, I’m scared I’m going to get there at 6 and only get a 30 minute massage but be charged for a 45 minute massage.

At 5:57 I arrive. Late. I fill out the stupid forms, and I can’t relax during my entire massage cause I’m getting upset that they’re going to charge me for 45 minutes when the massage therapist still made me wait another few minutes while she got the bed ready which basically meant even if I got there on time I still would have had to wait till 6:02. When it comes to bill time they only charge me for half the hour so I was upset for nothing.

I’m going to have a glass of water now and wash it down with a McChicken.